To Wick or Not to Wick..? (answers on a postcard..)

Well hello there strangers,

"where dost thou dwell Seth?", thoust hears thee ask. Are you ready for it... drum-roll please... La Rochelle, no less! Being here, means Greg and I have stumbled about 600 kms (more if you include walking on "days off"). Not bad, methinks, for two humble pilgrims. I am in a tip-top mood and very much look forward to seeing what "thoughts de la randome" (as I'm confident they say in France) I will now set before ye: (don't forget to check the latest snaps - there are some good ones)

- Several of you (I will not mention any names) have suggested via various form of communication that the French (and I quote) are "Cheese eating surrender monkeys". Now, as an enlightened man of wisdom and culture I would like to distance myself from this viewpoint. They also eat ham.

- While in Nantes I decided that this was where I was going to fall in love and write "that novel". While in La Rochelle I decided that I was a fantasist.

- Before I started this pilgrimage I believed that clean was an absolute concept. I now realise that it is most definitely a relative one.

- When eating in restaurants/tabacs it is common to re-use your knives and forks for each course. I think this is a fantastic system and I plan to lead the campaign in the UK for us to adopt the same practice.

- Clothes. It says something about the state of your wardrobe when your best "Friday night" outfit is actually the same trousers you have been wearing and sweating in all week and your top is thermal underwear. Greg assures me that I look French in my black thermal top and encourages me to work on my pout to really blend-in. I'm rubbish at looking moody/clever/aloof so I have to constantly lip the first part of the word "prune" to ensure I look suitably disinterested and therefore desirable.

- The art of being quieter. It is absolutely essential to speak quietly when in public in France if you want to be liked. Why don't they teach us this stuff in schools? Instead they fill our heads with useless skills such as solving quadratic equations while failing to tell us stuff that would really help one get-on in the world. Anyhow, having been in France a wee while it is immediately obvious to me what tourists are just here for a two week vacation (as opposed to those that understand French culture a little more) simply by the volume of their conversation, regardless of their ability to speak French. Foreigners in France my message to you is "sssshhh!"

- The French are quite a rule abiding, well behaved lot, especially when compared to the English. The children, in particular, respect their elders in ways that I have rarely witnessed in the UK. The more I think about it the less I would want to bring-up children in the UK. This makes me sad. Not least because I'd finally have to learn another language.

- Greg and I now average a comfortable 25 kms on a walking day. On several occasions we walk significantly more but then strange things happen to our bodies like my elbows falling-off.

- Just as sure as a French person will smoke, so too will they own a dog. I don't really like dogs (unless they are very well trained) so find getting barked at by dogs all day rather tiresome. I did see a dog that I really liked. It was an "attack dog" being rigorously drilled/trained by some professionals. They got a man to dress-up in special protective clothing (a seriously thick jumpsuit) and then got the dog to do all sorts of exercises. The relationship between the dog and the trainer and the discipline the dog had developed were truly impressive. On one exercise, the man in the suit came at the dog's "owner" with a stick yet despite the dogs obvious instinct, it was only at the blow of a whistle that the dog jumped into the air and bit the aggressors arm. They fought for about 30 seconds (the dog very much winning!) until in mid-fight the whistle blew again and the dog immediately let go of the man's arm and sat on the ground. Now I can't decide whether to buy one of those dogs or one of those suits.

- When a French person says "lets have a drink" they mean just that. One, small drink. Me no understand. Me no like.

- Greg and I went to a free outdoor concert. Two things stuck in my mind:

1) The poster promoting the band simply described them as "from Africa". Like specifying the actual county would be too much information? Can you imagine a French band being happy being promoted in Africa with a poster saying "from Europe"?

2) No-one, and I mean no-one, was drinking alcohol. Now I know that you don't always have to drink alcohol to enjoy yourself but come on this was an outdoor gig! That's just plain wrong.

- Young French men love driving around and around in circles on mopeds. To me, these mopeds are little more than upside down hair-dryers with ambition, yet the French girls seem to be very impressed. Is this why I was never described as "cool" as a younger man?

- I used to consider "wick" the thing you light on a candle, I now consider it a verb. This is because all my favourite items of clothing have "wicking action!" Even my pants. Believe you me, "to wick" is a beautiful thing. It keeps you cool and relatively smell free. Incidentally, my black thermal top has silver in it. Apparently this prevents the build-up of bacteria. How cool is it that my underwear has real silver in it?

- A week ago, I lost my passport, credit card and about £200. We had already walked 20 kms before I realised my loss and so popped into the tourist office in the next town, Lucon. The two women staffing the desk were incredibly kind and helpful and made numerous phone calls on my behalf to try and locate my possessions. They eventually reunited me with my valuables and so I have decided that I will definitely fall in love with a French person. Even if it doesn't work out, I can then use the inevitable sense of existential anxiety and pointlessness to fuel the writing of "that novel". Or I could write bad poetry. I reckon by then I should have perfected my moody pout so as long as I wear black and drink espresso's I should be a hit. Trouble is I'd also have to start smoking... . Anyhow, for those of you that would like any evidence that this pilgrimage has changed me here it is: I bought flowers for the two women that helped me. And I faced the embarrassment of giving them them in front of a room full of tourists. And so it is official, Seth does have a romantic side.

- I've stopped itching. And this confirms what I have always known to be true. If you have a significant problem or issue to deal with, just ignore it and do nothing until eventually it goes away... !

- I really, really, really miss you my friends and family. So please do come and join us for a stroll. Apart from anything else, Greg has heard all my jokes so now we just sit and walk in embarrassing silence. Please, for Greg's sake (there just aren't enough Guardian newspapers in the world for him to hide behind!), join us! If you want to be able to approximate where we will be at any one time I reckon we average 125 kms per week (assuming no serious injuries!) and are heading due South along France's West coast. Heading for Biarritz, and then the Pyrannes into Spain. We walk past many destinations served by Ryannair/Easyjet and trains/buses here are very cheap to get you to exactly where we are. We will of course walk at whatever pace is comfortable for you - any excuse to go easy is often a welcome one! Failing that, let me know what's going on in your life via e-mail. I know I'm rubbish at replying personally but I really do appreciate the news... .

Well I can't sit here all day typing, I've got bad French to speak... x